September 20, 2008

SECRET:I'm Scared Of Change+Really Sad

You guys I just realized something I am deathly afraid of change Just the thought of it makes me scared. I mean look at how I rambled on Bob's blog:
"hmmmm.out of this whole post the one thing that really caught my eye was the shortest sentence. People change. It kinda scares me. i never want things to change. there just perfect the way they are. well maybe there not perfect jaymies moms gay and my grandma doesnt know anything and i dont get to see justin as much as i like but i like my life. even though its a tragic roller coaster ride. i never wanna get off it and i dont want it to change. i like things now. i wanna just freeze how we are now. young and in love. young and not working. young and clueless. maybe i sound like an old person finally admitting im young but i really do know. and i do know im clueless. i mean i dont even know how to work an iron. but i like it and i hate change. i hate stupid old change.And when i get down to it I kinda don't like to admit that... Change scares me. September 20, 2008 9:24 PM" Im kinda scared now. Like am I such a weird person? Am I being retarded? I mean I never wanna lose anyone I've lost enough A dad. A big sister i never met. A couple of really good friends. I dont think I could really stand more things to change... It hurts. Things that seem so solid. So rock solid. So perfectly fine. Moments that bring tears to your eyes there so perfect. Like they'll always be there. Like they'll never change. It will always be the same. Perfect and Beautiful. They all change. Okay i mean i realize that all our life is not beautiful but idk... I'm kinda really super sad. Currently:
  • sick of being sad
  • needing some support
  • missing justin
  • hoping he's having fun watching made of honor [lol hes my little chick flick manly man]
  • listening to Kiss and Control by AFI like over and fricken over
  • longing for church
  • almost in tears for no apparent reason
  • wanting a myspace message from anyone
  • tired
  • lonely

Okay I'm being majorly lame so I love you guys

Dezzy

asdfghjkl; by at precisely

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