Know What's Really Beautiful?

"Wake Up Dez!" my grandma yelled. "My alarm didn't go off so it's past the time you wanted to be woken up at! You have an hour though so I guess it don't matter."

It was 7:00 AM in the morning. Okay well let's be exact. It was 7:00 AM on Saturday morning. The only day I sleep in in my whole life. Hence the needing those extra 20 minutes. Those were my pry your eyes open and pinch yourself to be up by 7:00 AM on your only day you usually are sleeping 20 mins. Don't say they don't matter.

"I'm Up! I'm up!" I yelled. It was the morning of a car show. One down in Illinois. My grandparents were dragging me along. But I seriously kinda like car shows.

You are probably sitting there right now rechecking the URL to make sure this is really my blog or wondering if someone hacked into my account like some people have been lately. But I'm serious. Car Shows used to really be fun. Well back in my single day. Okay girls lets do the math. Car Show=Lots of Cars. Lots of Cars=Lots of Guys. Lots of Guys=More to Flirt With. Like my math? Lol. No adding or nothing. :D Ahahaha. That's why I usually needed those 20 mins. They used to be the hurry and look like the hot Girl Next Door 20 mins.

Now things are different. I'm committed to someone that I love so now car shows have a new meaning. But I want to go into the old meaning for you. I'm gonna be kind of blunt. So Beware. I crave attention. I love it. I need people. I need to be talked to. Complimented. Commented. Kissed. Loved. I NEED someone with me. And I know people are always like "I don't need anyone". But that person was never me. I NEED PEOPLE. And I know it.

As pre-mentioned, I love attention. And at car shows I get it. For those of you who don't know. My grandpa is known for his cars. He's known for how neat he keeps them and everyone of his friends will tease him about it. Even people who aren't his friends know him by his cars. For example at this one car show when I was sitting at the car with Jaymie while my grandparents were looking around. A man came up who was talking to another man. He was like "This is Milo's car". The man was like "Oh who's Milo?". The other guy was like "You know the one with the wavy hair" and he lifted his hand to his head and parted them down the middle in a wavy motion. Well he's know for that hair too. Lol.

But anyways. At Car Shows people notice me because I have a really hot car. Well I guess like we have 3 hot cars. Like I know it's pathetic. But I just love attention. Those of you who know me. Know this. But not to this extent. I mean I've always loved being on stage but you have never known how attention starved I am until now. Like I literally have a dialogue going in my head non stop wondering what people are thinking or wondering if they look at me. I do things so people will look at me. It's crazy what I will do for attention. And Car shows are always an easy way to get it.

All you have to do is get in a car. Riding in that car. People stop what they are doing and stare. And I love it. They smile at you. Look at you like a celebrity. I just love it. Especially since the cars are loud. They make noise and people turn and look. It rocks. Okay enough about my attention fetish I'm sickening myself. Back to where I was getting ready for the car show.

I was up and ready and waiting in the kitchen to eat. It was Saturday and we were almost ready to leave the house.

"So who's all going with us" I asked casually.
"Well Teddy, Sash, and Brian, his wife and their kids" She replied with her smile plastered on.
That last part is exactly what I was dreading. "How old are the kids?"
"Well the one is about Holly's age and the other is about 16, 15. Somewhere around your age" my grandma said as she rushed around stuffing various things that I know we would never eat or use.
Dang. This is always how it turns out. I'm babysitter. Or set-up badly with someone who has nothing in common with me. AND ON TOP OF IT I HAVE A BOYFRIEND GRANDMA! She'll never get it. I'm taken. End of story. Not exactly the end of this one though.

I rode with Teddy. He's nice. He let me set the radio to the station I wanted. But I like silence when I drive in my 89 Camaro. Dontcha love how I take possession even though I can't even drive? I do :) We got there.

And by the way if you were wondering about the boy my age. His name was James. He has purple hair. And he got straight F's this year. Great Set Up Grams.

It was the hottest day of my life in awhile. And I got a sunburn that hurts when i just raise my arms. I got some reading done and came home.

I asked my grandma if I could stay home instead of going to the Georgie Porgies car show and eating with them. I pigged out on those puffy Cheetos and talked with Justin on the phone. And I had a lot of fun. We had some deep conversations. I love deep conversations. I really do. We talked about God. And our beliefs. And about my attention problem. Justin said something that really got to me. Had me in tears actually. listen:

Me:The thing is I've felt God calling to me. Asking me to give-up things. But I'm not ready. And I ignore it. And I just feel like if I try to be good again it will be hypocritical because I'm only giving up whats easy and God wants us to do hard things.
Justin:Know what's really beautiful though?
Me:What?
Justin:He'll never give up. He'll never stop loving us. He'll always call us. And want to have a relationship with us. It's just so beautiful to me, to know that he loves us so much.

That was the best part of my Saturday. Talking with him. Otherwise uneventful.

Today during church the cross walker came to talk. It was actually really good. Not the same old stories he tells every single time. But I better get going. Robbie is coming over to my house to talk with my grandma. He got a job selling knives or something and he said Alissa is going to be with him. And I haven't talked to her since I got out of school. But I'm still wearing my church skirt and a random T-Shirt.

LOVE YOU!! AND I FORGOT HAPPY FATHERS DAY :P (i always forget since my father is dead) :D have a good day!