Officially Out Of My Mind

Can't talk long... but I just have to say I'm going crazy. Really. The other day I got really upset because this friend of Justin's wouldn't stop texting and calling him. It drives me nuts. DID I MENTION IT'S A GIRL? Yeah. And he tells her over and over that he's with me and doesn't even answer her calls. And she has no gnikcuf respect because she keeps on and keeps on. It makes ME SOOOOOOOOOOOO MAD! We are just sitting and snuggling and then itch-bay interrupts. I mean puh-lease. Leave us alone. She ruins things and I hate her. So today Justin called my house and my grandma answered. I heard my grandma talking to him about something but then she hung up without even asking for me to come to the phone. She comes by me and said oh he was asking about Treasures. Seemed like he was in a hurry. This started to eat away at me. Thoughts were racing through my head. I just sat on the couch and hoped to see his car go by. Since Treasures is like a few blocks away. I thought maybe he would stop by. He never did. So I asked my grandma if I could go for a bike ride. She said yeah. I went and monitered the parking lot....(i know re-read the title and then tell me im not out of my mind) for and hour and 10 mins. Sat there. Rode my bike around the parking lot. Ever car that looked even similiar I'd squeze my breaks and stop breathing. Just to be let down. He never drove by. Never. I was really sad. Ripped my eyes off the road. Told myself this one last wave of cars. But sat there for 3 more lights worth. Finally I was so sad I could've cryed... Well I did actually listen to this IM i sent to Justin later:
i was just sitting there and crying and hoping every car was yours even if it looked nothing like yours and i never saw you so i finally went home and cryed when my gma said i couldnt go out again because its too dangerous to bike ride on my own i went crazy started crying threw myself on my bed and bit myself pinched myself and tryed to hurt myself...i wish i couldve told you but there was no way i could have...now im crushed. i didnt even see you go past :'(
Turns out. He went there. The exact time. I was watching. Fuck My Life. It's always me who gets screwed over don't you see this? ....
I'm lonely. Sad. I dont have anyone around to hear me. Everyone is too busy. With their boyfriends. Or Avon. Or Museums. And I'm broken. And sad. And barely breathing....