VBS

Hey Everyone,

That quote is dedicated to Justin. He left for Michigan Saturday. I'm so sad :( I'll miss him so much. He will be gone until Sunday the 19th soo 5 days to go.

Last Friday was one of the greatest days of my life. Everyday I spend with him is though:) We had alot of fun! He brought his guitar like planned and I played it a bunch and I just hope you know I rock bahahaha. Not! He was trying to teach me Your Call by Secondhand Serenade because I love that song and I was the one who told him he should learn it but guitar is alot harder than I thought. lol. I can't hold down the strings good because it hurts. But I am going to learn someday. It's one of the instruments I want to learn before I die. Here they are:

Instruments I Want To Learn Before I Die:

1. Piano
2. Acoustic Guitar
3. Flute
4. Violin

Yeah random but I just thought you should know:) We sorted out my grandma's avon. and then we hs about 4 times ;) I loved it. She left us alone alot. Which was cool. We sat on my porch swing and played his guitar, rode our bikes around the block, had a tickle fight, blew bubbles and cuddled while watching a little bit of a spongebob episode. Then we went to Infusino's and ate there with my grandpa's friend Brian and his wife Trina and their little girl Tina. She is sooo cute and blonde :)

Then on Saturday I proceeded to let Tina tear apart my room. Long story short but Brian and Trina and lil' Tina have been over alot because my grandpa is working on stuff on the 69' Camaro, like a Cherrywood original restoration steering wheel and all that jazzy stuff. SO. My grandma told me to watch her...And she tore apart my upstairs room (also known as the ghetto room). I had Jaymie come over because we TOTALLY forgot we had VBS Sunday night and through Thursday. So she went through drama and finally got dropped off by her mom at her dad's so she could sleep over and go to church with me. When I walked over there to see how long she was taking there were these two emo looking girls sitting by the school. I had let my hair out of my clip and kinda shook it out as I was walking and there were like purring at me and saying things like "OW OW SEXY!" I was so scared I had never been hit on by lesbians before. I rang Jaymie's door bell in fear of being raped. We took a bunch of pictures Saturday night (I. We have two with Tina and a bunch of silly bathroom pictures where I'd turn out the light and we'd look creepy together. Like this one where it looked like she was leaning in to kiss me and I was looking demon-posessed at her. So funny. When she uploads them to myspace I will deffinately have to steal them and put them up:) We stayed up late doing random things...Like having me eat hot cookie dough that she brought over we were gonna bake that later caused me to wake up at like 6 and have a bad trip to the bathroom LMAO:) TMI! and she fed Magic Shell to me by squeezing the stuff in my mouth. LOL yum. :) not. ahahaha.

Then on Sunday like I said earlier I woke up at 6 (bahahaha) and ended up painting my nails Fuschia. Then I got yelled at for painting my nails in my room which I thought was YAG sa lehh! I was trying to find my skirts but remembered I brought my laundry downstairs in an attempt to wash them before lil' Tina came over. All I could find was this blue Hollister dress that came down mid-thigh. I was like oooh don't wanna scare the church so I paired it with these gray leggings. When I came out of the room. My grandma was all. Your not wearing that to church right? I was like yeah. This is the only thing I have cleaned. Since you had me watch Tina yesterday I didn't get to do my OWN laundry. She was like you should have said can you watch your kid I have things to do. Now this made me mad. She's the one who GNIKCUF told me to watch her. So we got in a mini fight and I ended up downstairs picking through my dirty clothes. But then she made me wear this formal dress. The one that's black and champagne. And I really let my boobs show just to upset her and the church. No one said I looked cute.Except Roberta's little whatever she is who told me my dress was pretty and she liked it.

After church we went to Subway and Jaymie and I were completely crazy. Instead of our usuals we had our friend who had a band aid on his lip make us this Chicken Bacon Barbeque Sandwhich and it ROCKED. I sooooo recommend. Then we got Salsa Sunchips and Harvest cheddar Sunchips. We ate and then got ready for VBS. I talked to Justin for 5 minutes or less. Actually I think we talked for 2 minutes and 53 seconds. Literally. In that whole day. Yeah. I know CRAZY.

Then me and Jaymie got ready to meet our crews. I was so happy because the way they do it is they put two crews together and Pat said she'd put Jaymie and I together. We were really happy. We are crews 5+6.

On our first day we had 9 kids that God were us with. You'll see them later in pictures but on that first day I worked my hardest to get to know them. Learn there names. And I got it down quickly. I feel connected with my kids. When they hurt I do and God is speaking to me through them and using them to reach me. My heart is breaking for the pain that these kids tell me they go through. Our first day we had: Kelsi, Rai-yanah, Kevin, Joshua L., Joshua P., Anastacia, Mikey, Holly, and Emilie.

God used Kelsi this first day. I was in the bathroom with Holly and Kelsi ran along and yelled wait for me! Kelsi had been super clingy to both me and Jaymie and I was just praying that God would give me the strength to be the one that would listen to her and love her. When we were in that bathroom, Kelsi told me that her grandma was dying in the hospital, and she was staying with her other grandma. Her mom was really sick. She was sad because she hadn't been away from her more than 2 days and it was going on for a week now. She said she had close friends that were very very sick in the hospital as well. She told me that she was sorry she was so shy. I didn't know what to say. I was fighting the tears. I just told her she wasn't a problem. All I could think was: I get it God. I believe God gave me Kelsi to show me that I'm selfish. I'll admit it. Kelsi has shown me that there are people that hurt more than me. We all hurt in our own way. All I see is my tiny little world full of me and my suffering, my hurts, my pain, and really there is this world FULL of people that go through worse than me. My dad is dead. So are alot of peoples. I was sexually abused and assaulted. So what! So are alot of people I'm not letting my pain hold me back anymore. I want to help other hurting people.

Day Two.
Today God sent us more little children. Our group grew from 9 to 12. In addition to the pre-mentioned kids we had: Paul, Tatiana, and Cortez. When the kids brought back their little journals Kelsi was really proud of hers and ran to show Jaymie and I right away. She was warming up little by little. Cortez at first was really against things. He was more into asking questions about the projection screen than about what we were supposed to be listening to. I needed patience. As time went on Cortez warmed up and he was the sweetest thing. He would give me hugs and hold my hand as we went from station to station. God worked through me this day through Rai-yanah. During crafts the kids were making these Crocodile Clips. They made a little foam crocodile and it had a clip hot glued onto it. The kids had to write an encouraging note to someone having a hard day. Rai-yanah showed me hers. She had me read it. It said something along the lines of:
Hi Dad. I love you. Will you stop fighting with Mom and throwing food at her in front of the kids? Everyone was crying when we saw you yell at Momma.
Love, Rai-Yanah

Again this broke my heart. I know I'm a total dork. I'm getting emotionally attached to these kids and it's really none of my business. God has been sending me this kids that are filled with pain. And I'm not quite sure why. All I can do alot of the time is love them and encourage them. I have nothing fancy to tell them. But I think it's working. Kelsi is warming up. Today she made friend with Emilie and they even sat together EVERYWHERE. I've just been really happy that I did this. I know at first I dreaded it but now I can't wait to see my kids.

Monday night, I prayed for my kids for an hour. I prayed for each one by name. I cryed for them. Yes I am lame like that. But that's pretty much it. Balancing my kids, Justin, Summer School, and a full time BFF, Jaymie is getting easier and easier and I don't know how. I have more to do. But I get it all done.

Love you!
Dezzy