Mission F.D.O.S.

Hello There Welcome to Mission F.D.O.S.
For those of you who need to be filled in F.D.O.S. is First Day Of School. Also known as F.D.O.S.
So now that you are briefed a bit in the subject of what the f-udgesicles F.D.O.S. means let's get to gettin'.

Let's start with the fact that this mission is a solo mission. Usually when you are doing a F.D.O.S. you got back up. Other people that you can rest assured are in the mission too. But everyone in my area doesn't go back to school until after Labor Day. So I'm having my alarm clock playin 103.7 at 5:00AM with no back up. No moral support. Nothing. Just me myself and not even Irene whoever or wherever she is? Where did I even get that? Isn't that a movie?

Now that I have thoroughly confused myself...
Rhea's mom finally picked me up around quarter after 7. And we were off. Just us this year. No annoying little Elijah. I heard later from him that he's riding with some other smelly kid. It was pretty much uneventful. Except for the fact that along my high school career thus far I feel as though I have succeeding in not making one serious friend. All of this of course excludes Jade. I just feel like there's not one person in CLS that I will miss. Or even remember for that fact. Which I guess isn't really the point of high school. It's just that I realized my lack of friends today. I mean Noelle and Lauren aren't there this year. They were a major part of our crew. Now I'm lonely. Oh well. Half those kids are fake Hollister wearing 1,000+ friends on myspace to make myself look cool wannabes. And that just isn't me.

I'm trying to find myself during high school. Not make me up as someone that I'm not. I just refuse. I'll wear, say, and make friends how I want. That's why I don't have friends. LMAO! Because I'm kinda not like everyone else. I wish somedays I could just dissappear. I feel like such a different person. I used to be the girl that loved attention. I don't know what happened to me. I mean I still love attention but not as much. Like just yesterday. I craved attention. From the world. I wanted the whole world to just stop and look at me. Know my name. Now I'm like leave me alone. I just want to hide. Maybe it's this day that changed my attitude. I'm so insecure and lonely. All I have our my best friends. That's my problem. I don't really let alot of people in. But once I let you in. Your stuck with me for life. [This means you Justin and Jaymie]. I know this was supposed to be about school but I guess I just really needed to talk about some under lying issues. I don't want to be something I'm not. I don't want to be fake. I want to be me. No matter who that is. I'm not quite sure I know who that is yet. But I know some stuff.

I'm that girl who cries at commercials. I'm that girl who falls in love fast. I'm that girl who can feel like the most ugly thing on the earth at one particular moment and the hottest the next. I'm that girl who cries herself to sleep at night cuddling the stuffed animal her boyfriend of [almost] 14 months gave her. I'm that junior girl dating that senior boy. I'm the girl who has serious issues talking with and thinking about her weight. I'm that girl just scared. Of almost everything. I can't believe I admitted it. But all I am is scared. I'm scared of this life. love. dying. spiders. needles. getting stabbed in the neck when i stretch. what people think of me. failing. regret. my future. diseases. falling asleep and never waking up. going blind or deaf. bees. wasps. worms. closed in spaces. heights. being fat. drinking poison. being a bad parent. being a dissappointment. going to hell. and most of all being alone. That one scares me the MOST.

SO PLEASE PLEASE!!!
Don't leave me! ;]

Lemme just conclude with this year's junior schedule! :]
1st Hour- U.S. History
2nd Hour- Math Connections
3rd Hour- French III
4th Hour- Chemistry
5th Hour- Lunch
6th Hour- Choir
7th Hour- Study Hall
8th Hour- Bible
9th Hour- American Literature

Peace Out Girl Scout.
Dezzy